Ice Cream Day
I came home one snowy afternoon and heaved my bag onto the floor in my room. Apparently Mom was not home, because I hadn’t seen her car in the driveway. Annie and Jesse wandered into the living room, where I was lying sleepily on the couch and texting Ellie on my iPhone.
“Oh. You’re here,” Jesse mumbled.
“I’m booooored,” Annie moaned.
“Why wouldn’t I be here?’ I replied, looking down at my phone.
“I’m STILL bored, Jess!”
“Let’s play a nerf gun game!” he shouted, kicking over piles of folded laundry as he dashed up the main stairs with Annie close behind.
“Come back down!” I called.
Annie and Jesse tumbled down the stairs with a sound like a stampede.
“I didn’t wanna play with the blasters,” Annie said softly.
“Yes you do! Come on-- it’s fun! I’ll show you. You get the gun and then you run around trying to catch the other person and hit them with a nerf and if you get hit too many times, you’re dead, unless you have another life, which…”
I was fed up with them arguing. Annie’s whining and annoying Jesse. All my anger of the last months bubbled up. Therefore, I exploded.
“How come you NEVER play ANYTHING with me? Why am I left for myself? Why do you always LEAVE ME OUT?”
Annie hid behind Jesse, her blond hair poking out from behind him. It was sort of funny because he looked like a sun now.
“You can play nerf guns if you want,” Jesse offered.
“No. Never mind. Do you guys want to go on adventure?”
‘What kind of adventure?’ Annie asked, popping out from behind Jesse.
“You’ll see!” I jumped up from the couch and motioned for them to follow me outside. We put on hats and coats and boots, which weren’t that soaked because we’d only used them to school and back. We trudged through the snow, until we got to the shed. Our bikes were in there. I got my pink floral bike, and then helped Annie put on her helmet, because she was struggling. Jesse needed no help, but he was only a year and a half younger than me, so it’s not like he needed me.
Finally, I heard the satisfying click, and we all got started. We biked by the side of the road, because the sidewalks were still uncleared and the road was busy with people on their daily commute to NYC. We all biked side by side, as the world whizzed past us. If Annie struggled to keep up, we all slowed down. If Jesse was accelerating way ahead, I yelled at him to SLOW DOWN. (I didn’t yell because I was mean. Only because he was so far away and it was kinda snowing.)
Annie couldn’t be happier, but it was hard not to notice her knee-length hair waving behind her and I didn’t want anything to get caught in it. She rode around with a smile on her face. It was her first time without training wheels. Jesse kept trying to pass me, but he didn’t know where we were headed, so whenever he tried to lead us I changed direction and he was way behind.
Even though I was cold, this bike ride was very important to me. It was late February, but it was still cold, and dry, and boring. I liked school best in winter, though. So cozy.
The trees were still bare. Everything was still black and white and dreary, but here we were-- three different colors. There was still an occasional red, though from Valentine’s Day or Christmas I couldn’t tell. I guess some people hadn’t bothered to take down the red, but I couldn’t blame them. I think we all need a little red, don’t you think?
We soon approached the graveyard, and my quiet thoughts were interrupted when Jesse told me I almost missed the graveyard.
“Jesse, I’m not here to be depressed and look at some dead people,” I said mysteriously, locking my bike to a fence.
Then we all ducked under the fence, and came up in a parking lot. And in front of us was…
“Ice cream!!!!” Annie shrieked, like a girl in an ice cream commercial.
Yes, we were at Christy’s Cones, my favorite ice cream shop. We were probably the only customers here for ice cream, but it was still available. The shop also sold hot cocoa and coffee and pastries, so that was how it stayed open.
It was a perfect little shop inside. There were bubble gum-pink walls and a checkerboard floor, and a cute little bar with stools all along it. The menus were on the wall above the bar. A woman in a cute retro outfit, platinum blond hair, and bubble gum popping. Out of her smiling mouth, she asked us what we wanted.
“Vanilla! Vanilla! I want vanilla!” Whenever Annie was around strangers, she acted half her age. She hopped up and down like a cricket.
“Ummmm…. oh, they all look so good! Can I have rocky road?” I asked.
“Jesse, do you know what you want?”
“Nooo, not reeeally… I’m trying to decide if I should have bear tracks or mint chip.”
“Vanilla,” Annie repeated.
‘I think I’ll have mint chip,” he mused, resting his head in his hands in a way that reminded me out what Julie did.
The woman returned a few minutes later, smiled at Annie (who grinned from ear to ear) and handed out our ice cream.
It looked like ice cream in a book, it was so perfectly shaped. Annie sat down at the bar, licking the colorful scoops above the waffle cone, and biting off huge chunks. She had an ice-cream-mustache, even.
Jesse did that thing where you lick your ice cream with just the tip of your tongue. He thinks it helps him savor it, or maybe he’s just trying to eat it slowly until the rest of us are done, then brag he got more than we did.
“Mmmm. Thanks for bringing us here, “ Jesse said graciously.
“You’re welcome, “ I mumbled. I wasn’t used to anyone thanking me. Nobody had ever done that before. It was weird to be the one doing something. Julie used to do that. I still thought of myself as the misfit in the middle, when I thought of my family. I had to admit that it was pretty fun treating my siblings out to ice cream. Even on a cold day like this. But that just made it all the better.
Now it couldn’t melt.
The Policeman’s Visit
The police visited us the following week. It was March, and not too much snow had melted, but mostly the snow had stopped, and it was getting sort of warmer. We could feel it in the air, you know? The grass was brown but I imagined it was green, and everything smelled soft and spring-y, even though winter was still here. I hated the word winter. So depressing. So cold.
School went OK. Cooper and I were officially a couple, only I don't suppose anyone cared, nor did they notice. Still, we were accustomed to hold hands a lot, and although he hadn’t kissed me yet, I was hoping for the right moment.
Ellie and I were getting along fine. But I had trouble sympathising with her sad life, and I could hardly believe how strong she was. Yeah, I was sad just because Julie was on the run. She wouldn’t be back, we were all sure, but I hoped with all my heart she would. Because it would give me a second chance to love her.
At home, we were doing pretty well without her. Well, it had been four months already. I wasn’t too worried about her. At least, not until the men came.
I was listening to music on my iPhone at the time, sitting by the kitchen window. See You Again by Carrie Underwood was playing. My hot pink earbuds were tuck neatly in my ears as I shook my head and sang passionately.
“I will see you again,
Ohhhh
This is not where it ends.
I will carry you with me,
Ohhh,”
The doorbell rang and I shot up. The iPhone was pulled along with me, dangling from the earbuds.
“I’ll get it!” I called. I picked up my phone and shot for the door. Ellie? Cooper? One of Mom’s friends? Julie?
I ran through the kitchen and to the main hall. Smelly boots stunk up the room with a smell like feet and muddy grass. I kicked a shoe into a room down the hall.
Meekly, I turned the doorknob, and opened the door. A cold blast of air flew into the house. Two policemen in navy blue outfits and black hats came in. My mother, in yoga pants and a T-shirt, as it was Saturday, came into the room, hands on her hips.
“What? Did you find our daughter?”
The policeman with curly hair slammed the door behind him.
“That’s the thing, Mrs. Tomson. Your daughter Julianna is no longer missing.”
My heart skipped a beat. They FOUND her? Oh! Oh! When was she coming home? Was she sick? A plethora of questions clouded my head.
My mom was not happy. Maybe she didn’t believe them. Well, they’re policemen! Mom, go get Julie! I thought, but she looked dangerously close to crying.
“What do you mean, you want to inform me?” she said in a choked, squeaky voice that made me want to cry. I dropped my iPhone and it hung from the earbuds.
My father came into the room, and put one hand on Mom and one on me.
“Where is she, then?” I asked quietly.
The other policeman cleared his throat before answering,
“Her… body was found deep in the woods a mile away from your house. It appears as though she fell through ice and drowned in the lake.”
My mom gasped. This caught me by surprise. Wait, what?
“What?’ my dad demanded.
“In other words, Julie is dead.”
My stomach was turning. Dead? Dead? No, this couldn’t be happening! Not Julie. She was gone, not dead. Not dead. Gone. No, dead and gone. Gone and dead. I started to protest, but my words were caught in my throat, and I ran out of the room. Up the stairs, and into my room. I ran the way I did when I was chasing her. Trying to get her back. I wished it was that easy. It couldn’t have been her. She was MY sister. Why couldn’t I save her?
I wrestled with the blankets, and pulled my earbuds out of my ears. They hit the wall when I threw them. I slumped the blanket over me. It was warm in here. Wouldn’t it always be? Why did things always have to change? Summer turns to winter, and people die. I cried into my pillow.
My dad came into the room. I pulled my head out of my comforter. Dad sat down on the bed with me. Like he used to. But now he was always at work.
“Hi Dad,” I sobbed. I crawled out of bed and sat in his lap. Like a baby. And then I cried, and he hugged me. I knew three kinds of love now.
“Oh, Rose, you know how much you mean to me? I loved your sister, but I love you, too. I always will love you. Don’t forget that,” he said, rubbing my head and holding me close.
“I l-love you, D-Dad,” I cried. I didn’t want this ever to go away. It was so peaceful, so quiet, like everything was mourning Julie. I guess since I’d been living without her for so long, I’d already outlived the worst of it. If anything, I was better. At least I had found her.
🚟♧♧♧
I came down to the pink room. Right now, the peacefulness comforted me. I could have guessed it. It made perfect sense. Of course she would have come back. If she’d been able to. But you didn't come back if you’re at the bottom of a lake.
The late winter light came through the tiny window, and I noticed it wasn’t as dusty as it had been when I first discovered it. The room was slowly getting more and more beautiful, clearer and clearer. Like my life.
At first I decided to paint the walls, but then I changed my mind, because that could change everything. I didn’t want this room to be any different than it had been some ninety years ago. I ended up in a rocking chair, pushing back and forth, thinking.
If only all of this had been a dream, I thought. Then I could wake up and none of this would have happened. None of this AT ALL! No short hair, no depressed Julie, no anything but my normal life.
And then I realized I didn’t want my old life back. Everything that went on had its own little purpose. Some day, I might figure out what that purpose was. But as for now, I just had to wait.
I was waiting for a purpose.
Keep Calm and Carry On
It was time for Julie’s funeral. Oh, um, excuse me-- memorial service. I wished she wasn’t dead, that she was still here. Why did she have to die? It was bad enough that she ran away from us. No, she ran away from me.
I wore black that day, and Mom invited Ellie over to the funeral so I could “talk to someone”. It was all so complicated. Sometimes I wanted to talk to someone and I liked to get comfort, but other times I tried to get away and wallow in misery.
I hoped I wasn’t turning into Julie. I loved her and I missed her, but, if anything, I didn’t want to BE her.
The “memorial service” was in our dining room, because my mom said there was no point in renting a mansion when we actually had one.
We never used this dining room, except on special days like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and even then, we usually went away. Today was a special day, too, to celebrate sixteen years. Only eleven of which I’d lived in. I missed her a lot, actually, so much it hurt, but I’d gotten out most of my tears when she ran away.
My sister is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
I could feel my heart stinging, but I couldn’t cry.
Why was I so sad when she ran away, but I’m OK when she dies??
Because I found her, I thought. I know right where she is.
πππ
It was kind of like Christmas again, except that most people were crying, and there were less people then than there are now.
At the memorial service there were all the cousins, Julie’s friends from school, everyone in her homeroom, her teacher, and some other random relatives and close family friends. The enormous dining room had a huge glass chandelier, and a long mahogany dining table.
The table was pushed to the side of the room, and decorating the tall, Victorian 20-foot-high room were dozens of pictures of Julie. A sweet baby with white-blond curls. A little girl with long blond hair a shade lighter than Annie’s. A gap-toothed girl, barefoot, on a tricycle. A teenage girl, laughing, hugging her friends. The last one was taken last year. It was of Julie and me, and Julie was sitting under the blankets with me, because that was our Ghost Story Night.
Our last GSN, if I remember right. That was my tenth birthday, and it was at the end of April that Catarina told me I could be in her group.
The patterned rug was scratchy on my hands as I curled up on it. The black wool sweater wasn’t comfortable, but at least it was warm. The room was dimly lit, showing lots of people, some I didn’t even know. And there I saw Ellie, good ol’ Ellie, in her dark 1860’s dress.
I noticed the hairnet she’d made an attempt to pair with it looked kind of empty. That made me feel sick, that empty hairnet. It was all my fault. I could have prevented that. I tried to hold all the sadness inside me, because if I opened my mouth, I would scream.
“She was my favorite sister and then everything changed and she got all skinny and I forgot about her and then I scared her away and she DROWNED. And it’s ALL MY FAULT!”
I broke and it was like you had cracked open a dam. The crack became a break, and soon the river was pouring out. Ellie just looked at me with her calming chocolate-brown eyes.
“It’s OK. My mom died too, you know. Eventually, you’ll get over it, but don’t go trying to kill yourself, you know? Just… breathe, OK? You can cry as much as you want. As much as it takes to go on.”
I sniffled and lifted my ugly, red, swollen face.
“Huh?” I asked, starting to sob again.
“I’m so sorry about this. If you want to be left alone, you can be left alone.”
I sniffled again, and she hobbled away in that gigantic dress.
“No-- wait! Don’t go!” I pleaded.
She swiveled around and slumped onto the ground. I ran over to sit next to her, in front of the roaring fire. Suddenly, an old lady began talking into a microphone, gabbing on and on about how “sweet” she was. She had long gray hair, a flowery dress, and a black hat. She carried a handkerchief. She was my Great Aunt Theresa, but I hadn’t seen her since I was, like, six, because she lived in Georgia, near my grandparents. (I used to live there, too, but I moved when I was 8 or 9. I lost my accent.)
I stopped paying attention to my great-aunt. I turned back to Ellie and hugged my knees, barely inches from the firescreen.
“I just miss her so much,” I moaned.
“I miss my mom, too,” Ellie whispered.
“But we’re not going to get anywhere from just crying. we’ll just have to keep going. Carry on. It’s going to hurt but we can do it. It’ll hurt, but we’ll make it through.”
Gee, Ellie had a thing for preachy pep talks.
I nodded and tried to smile.
I just had to keep going, right? Easy.
Blissful
It was now mid-March, and although the groundhog last month had predicted an early spring, spring was not quite here and it wasn’t looking too promising. A layer of snow still covered the ground, and it wasn’t too cold, but it was cold enough to make slush. I had to wear a coat and rain boots everywhere, but at least my rain boots were cute, knee-high pink boots with a buckle. I thought I even saw buds on the trees, but when I asked Mom about them, she said they had been there all winter, I just hadn’t noticed.
So here I was, with spring still a week ahead of me. It seemed like it couldn’t come fast enough. Really, I couldn’t wait. My birthday was on April 18, and spring was my favorite season. Being March 13, I still had a month and five days until then, but my hair might be shoulder-length by then.
Because the two of us had identical hairstyles, we matched every day. Well, our hair matched, because I would die before I wore one of Ellie’s old dresses, and she had no desire to wear anything but the ugly things.
Like right now, getting on the bus, I could see Ellie with her twin pigtails, the same hairstyle I had. Only hers looked better, against her tan skin, and mine looked sort of bland. I sat with her anyway, and sorted out my thoughts.
Ellie was a really good friend. She was funny, and nice, and everything I’d ever hoped for in a friend. Both of us had… lost somebody. I was still amazed at how alive Ellie was, because she’d seen her mother waste away until the leukemia took over. She had seen so much. Actually, now I had too. Maybe I was stronger now.
This was not the same me as the Rose of the summer! Popularity did not matter anymore. None of that old stuff mattered anymore. Now that I thought about it, I had a wonderful Mom, a loving Dad, silly, wonderful siblings, an adorable bunny, an amazing friend, and a big heart.
I even had Cooper. More than I’d asked for. But every time I thought about him, I was so blissful I thought my heart would burst! I hoped we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. I hoped we could kiss. Still, I kind of felt that maybe Ellie didn’t like us flirting. Maybe not, I disagreed, remembering the lunch table.
After school that day, which was rather boring, I immediately dropped my bag off in the main hall, and did a little cleaning in the pink room, and then went up to Jesse’s room to play with him. I hadn’t spent time with him in a really long time, and he was hilarious.
I spent the afternoon laughing my head off at some crazy pictures of him making weird faces. One in particular made me laugh until I was rolling on the floor, like a bunny in a crisper factory. Somehow, the picture made him look like a fish. He was holding a fish.
I didn’t remember him liking fish. When I asked him, he asked me if I’d been paying attention on his birthday last summer.
I guess I’d been with Vanessa and Catarina.
Ellie was absent at school the next day. Cooper told me she got sick but she was wearing her hair with a tiny braid thing. And he sat with me.
“Hi, Rosaline,” he said, grinning.
“Hey,” I mumbled shyly. I had a little trouble talking to him. I think it was his smile.
“So… did you get your homework done?” he asked quietly, staring down at his food, blushing, and pushing around the cardboardy ziti with his white plastic fork, until it wiggled like Jell-O. Eww.
“Yup,” I answered.
“So, how are you doing?” he asked, casually tossing his head.
I giggled and held up a thumbs up.
“What about you?”
“I think I’m doing pretty fine, especially right now,” he answered, staring at the clock on the cafeteria wall.
“I think I am too. I think I like sitting with you,” I giggled, lifting my eyes up from my food. I looked at Cooper. He was cute when he was embarrassed. I tried to look cute, too.
“Can I let you in on a secret?” he asked, finally looking me in the eyes.
I leaned closer to him and his nice-smelling flannel shirt. I really was curious, even if I was blissfully standing between sanity and insanity.
“I think I like you,” he whispered.
“Me too-- I mean you,” I whispered back.
Suddenly it hit me. Did he just say he liked me? Did I just say I liked him back??? Did he love me? My head was spinning, and I was probably closer to insanity now. I leaned over and hugged him and immediately regretted it. Then lunch ended, with the bell ringing. We held hands in the hallways, only standing about an inch away from each other.
At least Ellie wasn't here to see me go insanely blissful.
OHHH. I AM IN LOVE!
The Better Sister and The Sea Room
Later in March, Mom had to be at another business meeting, and she put me in charge of the kids, just like Julie used to.
I had just discovered a new room in the attic, which had appeared from a door behind a bookshelf. I had been in our library, reading. The bookshelf had been of dark wood, with antique leather-bound books mixed in with some of my own books that I myself had added. Still, after a lot of looking, I could not find anything I hadn’t read yet. And that was when I found the secret room. I was removing some of the books from the shelf, when I caught a glimpse of a door!
I pulled the bookshelf away from the wall, using all of my strength. I sat down on the floor and just looked at it. It was a big door, about as tall as the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf itself. With trembling hands, I opened the door. The room was small, but it was big enough to be about the size of a small bathroom. It had a carved, antique wood ceiling, with walls painted a serene aquamarine, and a tiny window that lit up the whole room. It reminded me of an old-fashioned ship, like the Titanic, only less, well, you know.
Next to the walls were some fancy chairs covered in striped satin, and there was a blue rug, and even some floral couch things on the other side of the room. The whole room smelled like the sea. I felt like if I closed my eyes, I would be at the beach. Around the room there were all these little sea-related vintage knickknacks, like model ships, and sand dollars, and framed Victorian ads for swimming clothes, and old cans of lobster and fish.
So I was right here, right now, on the floral couch, closing my eyes and taking everything in. I loved it when I discovered a new room. It made me excited and bubbly just to think that there was still more to explore, and just one more place to go. That made me happy. I took in the smell of the salty ocean and imagined a seaside village, complete with seagulls, and the waves going in and out, up and down. Peacefully. Gently. Fiercely at the same time. The foam licking the sand.
I squeezed myself through the narrow door, and out from behind the bookshelf. It was so narrow, I couldn’t understand how someone could fit. Well, I could. Maybe someone my age had made it. Maybe she had lived in the Pink Room.
“ROSE!!!” shouted Mom. Well, I guess she was going to go now. I whirled around.
“CAA-MING!!!!” I called. I ran down the staircase, into a blue carpeted hall, came into the servants’ quarters, and tumbled into the main hall. Just as Mom was leaving in her car. I ran out the door, ignoring the cold, and said “Goodbye” to her.
“Now, you’ll be good to them, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll be good to them. Even better than Julie was.”
Mom smiled and kissed me on the head, and then she turned out of the driveway and onto the busy street. I turned towards the house.
“Who wants mac-n-cheese?”
Spring
Never yet was a springtime, when the buds forgot to bloom.
-Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
Twelve Years Old
April came, and with it, my birthday! On April 18, Ellie came.
Winter was long gone. How could I think of it in April? April was so pretty right now. I couldn’t think of it except as the most beautiful, rainy, sweet-smelling quintessential spring day. The scents of grass and flowers and things growing, and the cool, misty air, replaced the cold, wet dryness of winter. Even though the cars raced by, spewing water through the air, and the rain beat down heavily on the roof.
And it was even better that my best friend in the whole wide world was going to my house. She’d only been here twice, but I’d never given her a tour. She’d never really come over for the sake of coming over. Just for getting ready for things. And the funeral. But… this was different.
I really wanted to show her the Pink Room. Well, I wasn’t quite done yet. I still had plans to do more.
I ran upstairs to see my brother and sister and tell them to be on their best behavior, because it was my birthday and Ellie was coming over. I ran, panting, into Jesse’s room, where he was hastily feeding his snake. He looked up at me.
“Jesse, can you… well… don’t show Ellie Snakey, and don’t be annoying, and don’t shoot nerfs at her, and don’t… just be on your best behavior. After all, it is my birthday. And if you don’t go crazy, I’ll give you a big slice of cake!”
“I’m in it for the cake,” Jesse said, tossing his head. Snakey lay in a swirl on top of his rock.
“Whatever. Just tell Annie, too. I can’t find her. Please, please don’t mess anything up, OK?”
“What happened to you?”
“I’m just worried-- that’s all!”
And my birthday party was tomorrow, too. I hoped he wouldn’t mess it up. If he or Annie did anything embarrassing… let’s just say I invited Cooper.
I trotted down the hall past Annie’s room, and read a book on my bed.
☂☂☂
The doorbell rang. I ran out the door, skid across the floor, fell down the stairs, and scurried off to the front door.
“Hi!” Ellie greeted me. She waved goodbye to her father, who I’d never seen before. (He had tan skin, and dark hair, and dark eyes. Like Ellie.) It was raining, so Ellie held an umbrella. Her short, thick hair was in braids, and she wore a strawberry-red dress that was still old-fashioned but fine.
“Want me to show you the tunnel?”
“Rose! Give her some time to actually put her things somewhere,” Mom scolded from the kitchen down the hall, cooking my birthday dinner, which was a sandwich and chili bar. I loved chili. That reminded me once again, that I was twelve. Twelve! A whole new age!
I didn’t look or feel any different. What’s in an age, I thought. Does it even matter? Soon every year will be alike.
Of course, I shook those thoughts off. For goodness’ sake, it was my TWELFTH birthday, not my eighty-second. Ellie poked me on the shoulder.
“Can you show me your house? I’ve only seen parts of it, in February and March, I think. “
“Sure!” I love giving tours. And now I could show her my Sea Room. And my Pink Room! The Library! The bunny room (Aww! He’s so cute!). Annie’s princess room (Awww! She’s so cute!), and Jesse’s bedroom (Aww! He’s so cute!)
After she had seen everything, we went back to my room, and the phone rang. Shook, really. Shook the room.
A Girl, a Plan, and a Lemon Pie
“I’ll get it,” I announced, and picked up the phone. “Hello?’
“Oh, hi, this is Catarina!!”
Great. Catarina. I should’ve known.
“What is it?” I sighed.
“Isn’t it your birthday? Happy Birthday, Rose! Are you having a paaaarty right now? Who’s coming?
I glanced at Ellie and gestured for her to come listen too.
“She’s asking who’s coming. Should we tell her Cooper is coming? Just to torture her?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about him. Yeah, Cooper’s coming. He’s pretty psyched about it, too!
“…Umm… are you still here?”
“Oh yeah, I’m still here. What were you saying?”
“Who is coming to your party?’
“Ellie, Cooper, and my bunny. Not you!”
“That sounds like a wonderful party, but are you sure I can’t come? You do remember my mama’s lemon pies, don’t you? The way they were so sweet and soft and lemony, and their delicious aroma…”
While Catarina gabbed on and on about those pies, I put the phone down on the table.
“Um, Ellie… was it bad that I… kind of accidentally told her Cooper was coming?”
Oh, man. Catarina was the one who loved Cooper. She’d do anything in order to be with him.
“You TOLD her? Why did you tell her?”
“What difference would it make? She can’t crash my party, and she can’t come anyway.”
And then a wonderful idea came into my head. A hot flash of an idea. That was it! She’d do anything to be with Cooper, even risk making a fool out of herself.
I picked up the phone.
“Yeah, you can come!” I said in a too-sweet voice. “I would love for you to come. And bring your friends, too! The more the merrier, right? And don’t forget the lemon pie!”
Ellie watched me, her eyes swimming in tears.
“After all you did!” she snapped, and got up from the bed.
“No-- wait! Don’t be mad! And it wouldn’t matter, anyway. I can be friends with whoever I want!”
“Just stop it. You lied to me.”
I watched in horror as she ran down the stairs, like a lady in a soap opera.
“Ellie! I have a plan!”
This caught her off guard, and she tripped, sending her flying down the staircase. I ran out of my room, and slid down the marble steps, along with her. When we at last hit the floor of the main hall.
“It’s OK, Ellie,” I said, laughing. “It’s a trap!”
Ellie finally caught the meaning of my words.
“Oh! I feel so stupid,” she laughed.
“I’m sorry. I’m just so mixed-up today.”
“Me too.”
“Ok, Ellie, this is my plan. I invited all of them over to the party. But the thing is, they all like Cooper. And we could embarrass them in front of them, which would really be embarrassing for them. I’m not sure what to do, but maybe some kind of sport. They’re not particularly athletic. Oh, and water.”
“How about water balloons?” Ellie suggested.
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that… We’ll wear bikinis and not tell them it’s a water party, and they’ll get all wet.”
“I don’t have a bikini,” Ellie admitted. “And won’t we be cold? It’s just April. Not exactly summertime.”
“Well, it’ll feel worse to get your clothes all wet. And you can borrow one of my bathing suits. It doesn't have to be a bikini, you know.”
“OK. That sounds good to me, “ Ellie replied.
“Good old-fashioned revenge,”
“And we get a lemon pie with it!”
Hot Mess
They arrived the next day, stylish and superstarry
and Cooper didn't even notice them. Catarina had a cute, white cashmere sweater-shirt, and a denim skirt with knee-high leather boots. She had it with a brown fringed scarf and fancy brown leather fringe earrings.
Meghan had white Daisy Dukes and a pink tank top with hearts on it, and pink beads in her flatironed brown hair, which she tossed with elegance.
“Designer,” she sneered. “I got it done at a salon,”
I pondered the meaning of this, like, how can hair be designer? Still. She looked like Valentine’s Day.
Rose had a sports jersey and dark jeans, and her short dark hair in a stubby ponytail. Admittedly, it would be a little hard to intimidate her, because of her go-for-it never-give-up attitude. However, it was the same attitude that ruined my best friend. So she had to be here..
And then there was Vanessa, standing in front of them all. Hands on hips, tanned shoulders, blonde hair down her back. She had a designer shirt and miniskirt.
I always said, I didn’t care, I didn’t care. But the truth was, I did. I wanted to be like them. It was stupid, but I really did. I felt so small, so awkward next to them.
I had a skimpy top and red shorts, so not only was I ugly, but I was pathetic. At least I knew I had a bikini under it, and that they’d be cold and wet. It would ruin them.
Next to me was Ellie. How could I forget her? She had changed me. She wasn’t decked out in an old-fashioned dress today. She wore a pretty salmon-pink dress, and her short hair was windblown. I didn’t want her to change, either, but nevertheless she had. We all had. After all,
Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.
But it was time for fun now.
“Cooper. Go over to them. Now. And talk-- get them distracted,” I directed him.
He nodded and assumed the look of a boy on a California beach. He had on swimming trunks, and his skin was tanned, and his curly hair hung in his eyes, so the first thing you saw was his amazing smile. All the girls blushed when they saw him. Even me. He was the bait.
I noticed Catarina swallow away her blush, and she tried to look comfortable. The sun was bright for an April day, and the grass was soft under our feet. I could feel the sun on my arms, and on my bare feet. We stood in the middle of the backyard, sort of behind the house, but Catarina was still in the front yard.
“Heyyy, Cooper, how ya doin’?” she giggled.
Cooper looked at us and laughed at her.
“I mean, how’s football going?’ she said quickly, her voice quavering. She slapped a hand to her face, looking utterly stupid.
Meghan stepped in front of him.
“Heyyy, Cooper. Catarina meant to say… umm… well, can you come over to my house tomorrow?”
Catarina punched Meghan.
“No, I’ve got the lemon pie!”
“Girls, girls, please…”
Rose snorted.
“I’ll bet you don’t even know what football is,” she muttered to Catarina.
Now that they were arguing, I went over to the bulkhead behind the house. Ellie joined me. It was cool under the tree, but still warm, like record for April. Everything was so green, and I hated to wreck it, but some things needed to be ruined.
I went down in the dark, damp bulkhead to get to the basement, retrieving some balloons.
“Quick,” I muttered to Ellie.
We both, with shaking hands, twisted the hose on and heard the water gushing into the balloons. I twisted them closed, and finally turned off the hose. The wet grass stuck to my feet, and the flowers that had begun to bloom had their daily drink.
I hid the balloons in the bushes, and Ellie brought the evidence back down into the basement.
“Hey!! Cooper!! Candy APPLES!”
Code word for REVENGE.
All the girls glanced at us, with grass stains on our t-shirts and water running down our legs. It was humiliating, but it would be even more so for them.
Cooper ran, panting, towards us, and pulled on a shirt, and pushed his hair out of his eyes.
“Thanks for saving me,” he breathed.
“Anytime!”
Me and Ellie, blushing tremendously, pulled off our clothes, to reveal our bathing suits. I had a shiny teal bikini, and Ellie had a zebra-striped one-piece. The filmy fabric of my dress made sparkles fly on everything around me.
It was a picture-perfect, if sort of cool now that I was skimpily clad. I noticed that Cooper couldn’t take his eyes off me, even though I had goosebumps. Ellie was really pretty, but I was just boring-looking. My only interesting feature had been my waist-length blond hair, but now I was as plain as a milkmaid.
I glanced wistfully at Ellie. Oh, Ellie. Her funny, pretty, gentle, kind face covered up her utter sadness. So many emotions were held under that layer of humor. Looks definitely were deceiving.
“I like your bikini,” Cooper said.
I wanted to hide behind a tree, but I turned to Ellie.
“I can’t wait to get them,” was her only remark.
We ran over to the other side of the house with balloons in our hands. There they were, 100 feet away from us. They were tanned, surprised, scared. And then they were innocent, adorable babies. What was I thinking? They had hurt my friend, tried to steal my boyfriend, they had been mean to others, and broken many hearts.
And then it was like everything was in slow motion. Rose ran towards me, her ponytail bobbing, about to dive towards me. I pulled my arm back, and let go. The balloon fell through the air, and exploded in her angry face. Ellie tossed me another, and I threw it. It exploded in an angry pop on their oh-so-pretty faces. And Ellie joined in, throwing, thrusting, hurling balloons at all of them, until it was a tidal wave of rubber and water. Poor Caterina. That was the first thing I thought. What if… she wanted to be my friend?
“Yah! Yah! Yah!” Ellie screamed. Balloon after balloon after balloon.
And Cooper was the best of all, throwing millions of balloons at them, like a downpour of wet torpedoes. Until bits of red rubber dangled from their stringy hair, which hung limply from their heads. They were shaking in their clothes, which were sopping wet, dripping in the grass.. Vanessa’s pale cheeks were red.
“THAT’S it. We’re leaving,” she spat.
And so they did, dripping puddles of water behind them. Catarina was the last to leave, giving me a slightly squashed lemon pie, her lip trembling.
“I’m s-s-sorry. I hope you forgive me,”
And then she was gone too. They all were such a mess, shaking down the street, with Catrina crying. She must really have loved Cooper. Maybe there was more to her than met the eye.
But the rest of them? Oh, no hope. They were a mess. A hot mess.
A Moment With Us
I couldn’t stop laughing. In my mind, I kept replaying the scene over and over, with their pathetic, cold, wet faces, their limp, beaded hair, their dirty, faux-tanned skin. I couldn’t care less about them anymore, and then I had a horrible thought.
Julie. Julie. I’d forgotten about her. She was pathetic, cold, wet. She had limp, damp hair. She was dead and I hadn’t tried very hard to mourn her. I never went in her room anymore. I tried not to think about her, ever. I hadn’t even remembered she existed. And now I was brought back to Earth, and reminded of her. It sent a burning, searing sensation through my chest, as I lay on the white floor of the bunny room, strewn with bits of hay, and with a black and white bunny hopping around.
Yeah, I was in the bunny room. How unromantic. I was going to start a good cry when there my bunny came, attentive, adorable, and sniffy. Hopping over me with his little bunny feet. Tilting his fuzzy black ears and yawning. My cry caught in my throat and was replaced by a hearty laugh. Everyone joined me, laughing, and we all hugged.
I felt kind of weird hugging Cooper, but then he pushed my hair off my tear-stained cheek and kissed me! On the cheek, that is. And I nearly fainted, hugging him tightly and wanting to dance. I held onto him, lifting my toes from the floor. I wanted us to be like Jack and Rose, like Romeo and Juliet. Ellie watched us, grinning from ear to ear.
“OK, OK, you’re not married yet,” she laughed.
We separated, but still held each others’ hand. I was blushing, and I let go of him to grab my bunny.
“It’s such a beautiful day. Why don’t we go outside? After I put BunBun away, anyways,”
“Sounds good to me. You lovebirds need to fly away together, at least gimme a call!” Ellie joked.
Cooper punched her in the arm. She stopped smiling.
But we all went outside, and Cooper and I danced together in the spring sunshine. We looked like little kids, with all our jumping and dancing.
We all ate the lemon pie, and then when dark came, we looked at the stars, with our heads together.
We felt the breeze blow through the grass, bringing with it a sweet smell of nature. Crickets chirped in the distance, and I fell asleep right there, next to Ellie, holding Cooper’s hand.
By the time I woke, he was gone.
The May Poem
The party had been over a month ago, and although I saw them at school, it wasn’t the same kind of fun we had at the party. I still remembered all their faces when they marched through the gate, and Catarina apologizing and giving me the lemon pie, and when Cooper and I kissed in the bunny room.
Days passed, months passed. It got warmer and warmer. Old flowers died out to make room for new flowers. By mid-May, there were flowers, there was grass, and trees, and bugs, and bees. Rainshowers that smelled of lavender, bright umbrellas, warm rain. Children splashing. Flowers bloomed, colorful bursts. Dusty rainbows painted the blue sky.
It was too much for a poet to bear. I bolted to the side door, twisted the fancy knob on the old-fashioned green painted side door, and came into a little hall. I ran through the hall and came into Annie’s playroom, with its Japanese door, red mats lining the floor, enormous sunny windows, and toys scattered around. But I wasn’t staying in here. I turned around and came into a guest room, with a high, stiff brown bed.
After a lot of running, I got to my room. My head was spinning. I came through the blue painted door (Blue is, was, and always will be my favorite color in the whole wide world), and…
…found my composition book!
I flipped open to a clean page, and grabbed my pen, and started to write.
Instead of static and puffs of smoke, when I closed my eyes, I saw Ellie. Pairs of scissors. Riding my bike. Eating ice cream. The funeral. The bracelet in the toilet. Dancing with Cooper. Water balloons. Catarina. A kiss on my cheek. And then there was today, with the fresh green grass and rain.
My eyes snapped open and my hand took charge.
Leaves dance
as the wind weaves
through them.
Sun and rain
meet in the sky.
Flowers are
at their dressing table
putting on their
yellow
and their pink
Bees buzz
flying in the air
fuzzy black and yellow
A scent of rain
and woods
and blossom
and growing.
I just feel happy
knowing
That spring is surely here.
I stared in astonishment at what I had just written. It was perfect. It was the best thing I had ever written. It was the first thing I had written in a long time.
I thought of publishing it the whole time I was outside. In one of Annie’s magazines, there was a poetry contest with a $1,000 cash prize. And it was for ages 7-13. I was still young enough. And soon school would be over. I decided to publish my poem.
United Kingdom
The door banged behind me as I got home from school, late that May. It was nearly June, and I had a lot of things to do. On top of my poem, I had to spice up a bunch of antique rooms, spend time with my siblings, kiss my picture of Cooper…
And my stomach told me I also needed to eat!
So I threw my bag down and ran into the kitchen. Mom was working at the sink, still in her work clothes, but she was barefoot, and her long braid rather made her look like a hippie.
“Mom. Can I have a snack?”
“What was that, honey?”
“MOM! CAN I HAVE A SNACK!”
“Not so loud, dear. Yes, you can have a snack. I went to the store today. We have some fresh greens, or maybe try some of the new hummus with carrots…”
“You know what I mean, Mom!”
“You mean those candy bars and junk your… Julie used to get for you at gymnastics class?”
I was caught off guard by the mention of her name.
“No, n-not exactly--”
My voice trailed off. Oh, never mind. Better nothing than something that tasted like barf.
“Then what?”
“N-never mind,” I said quickly, and scooted out of my chair.
“Why don’t you get started on your homework?” Mom suggested, turning to me, while still scrubbing a dish.
“Or did you teacher finish assignments for the year? If I know Mrs. Eaton, she’ll keep assigning papers all through summer vacation!”
Hopefully that wasn’t the case. We were going to Georgia for the summer, and I didn’t want to waste my time on homework when I could be doing something fun!
“I think I have a little science homework…”
My thoughts drifted away yet again, as I daydreamed about Cooper. Yeah, it was weird, because he was my best friend’s cousin, but Ellie didn't seem to mind.
I went back to the mudroom and got my homework folder. No science homework in sight. Instead, I was supposed to do a paper on the United Kingdom. I yawned.
Once safely in the quiet library, I looked at my paper. Label and color all the islands in the United Kingdom. Easy.
England. Scotland. Wales. Northern Ireland. Isle of Man… well… a lot. Where had I heard of England? Recently, I mean. I didn’t have relatives there. Where had I heard it?
Ellie--
Ellie! Ellie’s boyfriend, Simon something.
It hit me. United Kingdom. England. Simon lived in England, right? Simon Webster. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could somehow get him back over to America and they could be together again?
Well, how would I ever do that? It was just a little thought, just a little idea, just a little dream that would probably never ever happen.
Only I’m not gonna lie. This is a story. Of course it is going to happen.
Still, that being said, how would I ever get enough money to do that? Wasn’t a round-trip to England expensive? Not only that, I couldn’t sneak him to America, nor to my house, especially not to school. And, back to the money issue, I’m just 12 years old! I can’t just come up with tons of money just like that!
And despite how utterly ridiculous my plan was, I did begin to think seriously about it. Maybe I would figure out how to bring a boy halfway across the world. Particularly one I didn’t know. And by mid-June, because Ellie’s birthday was the last day of school.
Wait. I knew where to get money.
I would publish my poem.
Diamonds
It was nearly the end of May, already. My brain was working overtime, trying to figure out how to make sure I got Mr. Simon over here from Englad. But it was hard to be unhppy, because I loved late May. May was a poem. A poem in real life.
Last night, I had decided to start bringing my notebook to school. I didn’t care about being a nerd. Even if I was, who cared? Someday, everyone would know. They would read my poems, discover my words.
Words were not just things you wrote down. Words were little pieces of a story, and when you strung the jewels together, it made a diamond necklace. Poems were diamonds. Diamonds. You’d never waste a diamond, would you? It would take a long time to find one. To turn coal into something beautiful.
So, of course I brought it along with me. Meghan was still on my bus, but now she sat with this weeks’ boyfriend, a poor old new guy named Jay. I walked down to my bus stop, and felt the breeze on my arms. It felt like summer.
I wore high-waisted african print pants made of a unique fabric. I wore it with a sleeveless white button-down shirt and an armful of clackety green bracelets. My earrings were art deco, glass dragonflies. Ellie had given them to me for my birthday. My blond hair was parted at the side and had green beads in it.
So, I got on the bus feeling wonderful. I was full of style, poetry, preciousness, and most importantly, love. I couldn’t wait to show Ellie her surprise.
My diamonds would be sold, put to good use. My diamonds would make a girl very happy.
Can I Buy It?
Ellie wasn’t on my bus today. Perhaps she was sick. I hoped not. I had some rather important business to take care of.
I sat by myself and looked out the window. Beautiful houses whizzed by, covered in turrets, balconies, and frothy gingerbread lace. I lived in the rich part of town, I guess.
I saw a drop of water plop onto the road below the bus. I looked up at the sky. The one little raindrop was joined by millions of others. Now it was raining, and despite the gray sky, it was a beautiful, lazy, cloudy gray. The kind that was huge and heavenly, as puffy as cotton candy, The grass was ethereal, green, waving in the wind like corn in Ojklahoma. The sunlight gleamed, turning the wet sidewalks into mirrors. It was like I was seeing this for the first time, with new eyes. This was poetry.
The people on the bus were chatting quietly, so it was relatively quiet. My shoulder-length hair swirled around as the bus drove into a few potholes. Finally, it lurched to a left, into the school driveawy.
As soon as the bus stopped, I hopped off it, heaved my bag over my shoulder, squinted through the rain, and ran to homeroom.
©©©
Well, now it was lunch.
“Hi, Ellie!” I greeted her.
“Hey! You’re wearing the earrings I gave you! They look swell on you. Do you likethem?”
“They’re awesome,” I assured her.
SSwell?
I fingered the sparkly glass studs. They really were a work of art.
“What IS that you’re eating?”
I watched her poke at something lumpy and yellow, and compared it with my lunch of tortellini with peasto, sour-cream-and-onion chips, an apple, and a thermos filled with iced tea.
“Umm… I can’t tell. Like, some kind of mac-n-cheese? I’m not touching it!”
“A mutant species of the macandcheesius class. A new specimen.”
“From the bin!”
We both collapsed in laughter.
‘Well, to be truthful, I really am hungry,” she moaned.
I slipped her my apple, to accompany her cup of water.
“Thanks,”
“Have you seen Cooper/ I really haven’t seen him all day.’
“He’s sick. We had to take him to the doctors’ this morning. That’s why I was late today.”
“Oh,” was all I could say.
I hope he doeas’t die, like J-J--
In between bites of tortellini, I tried to tell her… well… I still wasn’t sure how I would contact Simon.
“Ummm-- I’m doing a lot more writing now so I really wanna ask you something like if Simon no I just said that I meant another Simon like I dunno Simon Jenkins in homeroom…”
“Huh?”
Gee, I was real bad at explaining.
“I’m writing again,” I said.
“Really? What are you writing?’
I blushed.
“Well… it’s kinda a secret…”
“What! What! A love story?’
“N-no,”
“Oh. OK. Can I read it? Can I buy it?”
I laughed.
“It’s not exactly ready for anyone to read yet,” I blurted out. But it was. It was done. I hated lying, especially to my best friend.
But this is for a good reason, Rose. She doesn’t have to know you’re writing. It is a surprise, after all.
Yeah, she could buy it. She can buy it when it’s in the pages of a MAGAZINE!
The Send-Off
